Inside Her Shell
I.
She opened her eyes. Blinking, Maya focused on the ceiling. She closed her eyes again, trying to remember what her dream had been about. Even as she focused, the images darkened and floated away from her mind like ashes from a campfire.
She opened her green eyes again, framed by countless freckles. Her bright orange hair was scattered all around her face. She could hear her mom coming up the stairs to wake her up, so she worked her way out of bed.
Coming downstairs, she found her mom, dad, and older brother, Mike, at the kitchen table. She squinted at the fluorescent lights and made her way to the empty chair. Her dad was tying his tie and her mom was busy buttering toast. They were chatting away happily. Her brother was busy texting. She sat and stared at her hands until a plate was placed in front of her.
Her mom snatched away Mike’s phone and asked about his homework.
“I… got pretty much all of it done,” said Mike.
“Pretty much all of it?” said her mom with raised eyebrows, “What didn’t you get done?”
“Ummm… just a few math problems,” said Mike.
“And a few worksheets,” thought Maya, but she said nothing.
“Is that all?” asked mom.
“Totally,” said Mike, confidently.
“And what about you, Maya?” Mom asked, her voice softening a little.
Maya thought about her homework. It was done, all of it. But Mike always made fun of her for being a teacher’s pet. She glanced at him, absentmindedly munching on his toast.
How could she respond? She could say that her geography had been hard, but she was pretty sure Mike would make fun of her if she did. He was great at geography.
Maya just nodded her head.
Maya’s mom looked at her for a moment before nodding and asking Dad about his day, taking the conversation away until Mike and Maya headed out to the bus stop.
II.
As the front door closed, Mike asked Maya, “Are you going to talk today?”
Maya didn’t answer with a yes, but made a monosyllabic noise with her throat. Mike took it as a no.
“You have to talk to kids, Maya,” he said, “You can’t stay in your shell all the time.”
Maya looked down at her feet. Her “shell” was her family’s favorite nickname for her quietness.
Her shell.
They said it like it was bad, but Maya found it warm and safe. She didn’t like leaving the shell if she could help it.
As the bus pulled up, its engine almost drowned out her mumbled answer to Mike’s admonition: “I know.”
On the bus, Maya looked for a seat to herself. There weren’t any. She chose the closest open seat so she could get out of view.
The blonde girl next to her glanced over as she sat down. She was chatting with a bushy-haired girl sitting in the seat in front of them, turned around, and giggling excitedly.
“Can you believe that happened?” said the bushy-haired girl.
“No! I can’t believe it. I was watching it with my sister and we both screamed when it happened!” said the blonde girl, “It’s the best show.”
Maya knew what they were talking about. A great episode of Amber The American had appeared the night before. Maya had watched it with her mom. It was very entertaining.
“I couldn’t believe what Greg said to Amber at the dance. He was so mean! But Georgie saved her. I think he’s the best,” thought Maya.
“And what he said at the dance!” said the blonde girl, exchanging raised eyebrows with the bushy-haired girl.
“I couldn’t believe it!” answered the bushy-haired girl, “I used to have a crush on him, but now he’s just… just… ICK!” She stuck her tongue out. The two girls erupted in laughter.
III.
The school day started just like any other. Maya listened to her teacher, Mrs. Aspen, talk about the state government.
“So just like with the federal government, there’s an legislative branch, a judicial branch, and… can anyone name the third one?”
“The executive branch,” thought Maya.
Mrs. Aspen called on a raised hand. “The executive branch,” said the student.
“Very good,” said Mrs. Aspen, “And the executive branch is run by the governor, right? And who is the governor’s number two?”
“The lieutenant governor,” thought Maya.
“Anyone?” prodded Mrs. Aspen as she looked out at the students. Maya looked up for only a moment. Her eyes met Mrs. Aspen’s. She looked down quickly.
“Maya, want to give it a try?” she asked, tilting her head and giving an encouraging smile.
Maya could feel all the eyes in the room turn toward her. She knew the answer was the lieutenant governor. Absolutely… right? What if it wasn’t? Her class would definitely laugh if she got it wrong. Mrs. Aspen would say it was OK but would it be OK?
Maya made up her mind, put on a confused expression, and shook her head. Mrs. Aspen just nodded and said, “It’s the lieutenant governor. And who can tell me who that is in our state?”
Maya’s face turned red as the eyes slowly turned away from her. She hated when her face turned red because it clashed with her orange hair. She sunk in her seat.
IV.
At lunch, Maya joined the queue to get her meal. Today was pizza day, her favorite. She loved plain cheese pizza, something her dad always told her she’d grow out of.
Approaching the lunch lady, she asked for cheese pizza. The lunch lady handed her a piece of pizza that was covered in ham and pepperoni. She looked up at the woman, thinking, “Wait, this isn’t what I asked for. Please give me a piece of plain cheese pizza. I see some right behind you!”
She opened her mouth to speak, but then noticed that the girl next to her had scooted closer to her. Maya glanced at her and all the kids in the line behind. She looked back at the lunch lady who was gazing expectantly at her.
She moved along.
At the table, she ate with a few other kids. It was their daily routine. They chewed quietly and exchanged glances as they turned the pages of their books.
V.
At recess, she stretched out on the grass and read. She looked over at the line for the tetherball court. Boys and girls won and lost over and over.
She imagined herself with them. She would hit the ball just right, sending it sailing over her opponent’s head. She’d be so good, she would hit the ball over and over without the other kid even getting a hand on it. Then she’d shake the hand of the kid she beat and they’d be friends.
Maya put in her bookmark without thinking. She walked over and joined the tetherball line. She watched the matches unfold and started to notice the tall kids winning a lot. She wasn’t tall. She wasn’t sure she could reach the ball once it started swinging high. What if she lost? What if she lost badly?
It was her turn.
Maya looked at the girl who had won the previous match — her opponent. She was tall and had black hair. Her skin was like a porcelain doll. Maya suddenly became very conscious of her head to toe freckles. Her heart started thumping in her chest.
Maya had to leave. She looked across the playground and started walking with purpose. When she reached the edge of the pavement, she started to run till she was out of sight.
VI.
Hours later, the closing bell sent students pouring out of the school toward the busses. Maya walked quickly through the crowd and popped up the steps, hoping to get a window seat. They were all taken.
She ended up sitting next to the bushy-haired girl from that morning, who glanced at her, but didn’t say anything.
Maya saw her brother get on the bus. She thought about her shell. It had kept her from getting the right answer in class today. It had kept her from eating good pizza and trying out tetherball. It had kept her safe and warm… but what had it kept her from?
Maya clenched her fists and crossed her arms. She crossed her legs. She thought out her words carefully.
“Do… do you… watch Amber The American?” she asked.
The bushy-haired girl looked at her and said, “Yeah, I do… Do you?”
“Yeah,” said Maya quietly.
There was a long pause and Maya’s insides squirmed.
“What comes next, what comes next? What makes sense?” thought Maya.
The bushy-haired girl broke the silence: “Did you watch last night?”
Maya answered, a bit louder now, “Yeah… Wasn’t it good?”
“Yeah it was!” said the girl, “I was screaming while watching it. I mean, remember what Greg said at the dance?”
Maya nodded and giggled. “This isn’t that bad,” she thought.
“Who’s your favorite on it?” asked the bushy-haired girl, also giggling.
“Probably Georgie, he’s funny,” Maya said, “I laughed so much at what he did last night. And I think he’s kind of cute.”
The bushy-haired girl let out a big laugh, but then looked harder at Maya.
“You’re serious?” she said, “Georgie is the worst! He’s so annoying! He bugs me so much. And I hate his stupid red hair and freckles. What a nerd!”
As the bushy-haired girl spoke, Maya looked past her at the dirty bus window. She could see her orange hair and freckles reflecting back at her. They glared at her.
Maya watched her smile fade quickly and felt her face grow red. She looked away from the bushy-haired girl.
Immediately, the bus came to a stop. As Maya stood up, the bushy-haired girl said, “I mean… he’s… he’s not my favorite… person… on the show…”
As Maya left the bus and followed her brother toward their home, she vividly saw the laughing face of the girl in her mind. Her face was hot and her heart threatened to thump out of her chest.
She thought, “I will never leave my shell ever again.”